"Yes," says Mr Aver Aij of Knowsville, "I am a Masculinist, and we demand to be heard for a change. Throughout history women have never listened to our issues. Men have stopped talking thousands of years ago because women never listened. But now we are speaking out."
Mr Haddit of Ninetfive states, "I'm tired of heading off every day to the same meaningless, boring job of being a managing director. I want something in my life where I can look back on it and feel I really made a difference in someone's life. That someone is thankful for the work I have done. Where someone feels their life wouldn't have been as good without me being there. We men demand versatile, demanding and highly useful employment. We demand the right to stay at home and look after children, go out shopping, clean a house, cook meals and all those other highly important, useful and diversified things stay at home Mums get to do."
"'Man is the head of the home,' they say," states Mr Con D Me of Depression, "well you could have fooled me. Don't let my wife know that will you? When dating, she said, 'We'll discuss problems together when we are married.' I've come to find that to mean we will discuss it until I become frustrated with the illogical conversation, and just give up. It isn't worth the pain."
"Well," says Mr Spore Ting, "women are so unromantic. My wife never remembers football starting day each year. I have to remind her every year. And she doesn't even think to get me the football calendar. It's little things like this that show a man that a woman loves him. And they just don't think of them."
Mr Soreit of the Historical Society of Ancientstuff said, "in the past when serious wars have begun women have been keen to go back to their kitchens and tell men to go off and do the fighting. But we're tired of being used like that. Next time a big war begins we should send the women off (who have always claimed to be the same as men, when a long period of peace has been) and we stay at home and wait, for a change."
Mr D Um of the Longstay Psychiatric Centre says, "I went out wearing tight, high cut shorts showing my backside. You know; 'dressed to kill'. At 2AM I was on my way home and four women stopped in a car and wistled at me. Obviously I danced around provocatively. Just joking. You know. And they raped me! My psychiatrist said it was completely their fault and that I had nothing to do with it, of course. Naturally I shouldn't feel any guilt for what happened. After all a man should be able to wear whatever he wants."
Mr Crae Zee recently expressed his feelings on independence, "I'm tired of being only a half of a marriage partnership. I want to be married, but be independent. I have a right to my own life. I should be able to do what I want to do. My wife just doesn't understand that I need a life of my own. I need to pursue my hobbies and goals and have her work around them. It should just be like I'm still single, but I'm married. And my wife should understand that I don't have time to change our baby's soiled pants because I'm learning art."
Crae's brother Mr Lais Zee says, "I don't know that I want to do all that much. I'd just like to be a stay at home Dad, and watch Oprah and 'Daze of our Wives'. TV dinners are fine for everyone. They can just put them in the microwave. The house doesn't really need to be cleaned that often, and kids look after themselves these days. Why should I have to go to work? I sent out the wife."
"The place where I have trouble with women is that they aren't insensitive enough," said Hadd Unuff. Whenever I want to watch a good war movie they want to watch something like 'Brittle Women' or 'Sense and Insensibility'. We're all blood and guts inside, you know?"
"Yes," says Mr Mauve Eez, "I can be watching a war movie where all these men have just sacrificed their lives for the safety and rights of mankind, with others risking their lives to save their comrads, and my wife comes in and insensitively says how violent the movie is, and that such movies desensitize people. Have they no feeling? She prefers to watch movies about women sitting down crocheting (or doing nothing) and talking about whom they should marry. So that when they are married they can continue doing nothing and talk about the man they should have married instead."