Sunday, January 16, 2011

Divorce Figures are Misleading

I was looking through the old documents on my computer and came across an article on divorce.

Holy Matrimony
In Era of Divorce, Mormon Temple Weddings Are Built to Last
LA TImes Saturday, April 8, 2000

He states the following after speaking of Born Againer's statistics_

"The picture isn't rosier for other Christians or Jews. The survey showed their divorce rates about the same as the national average."

The problem with these statistics is that those people with no religious ideas are unlikely to get married until the relationship has established itself. In other words it has already survived years of initial struggle. Therefore they shouldn't be getting divorced at the same rate as those who marry before starting to live together.

Weighing in this factor the statistics for those calling themselves "Christians" and Jews is far better than for those who aren't.

God (in the Law given to Moses) made it that people who have sex together (even once) were to marry and never divorce (Deut 23:28-29). So God sees these people as married. Considering the amount of people who just live together without marrying formally, and the amount of break-ups from those relationships, the real "divorce" rate is far higher. And considering that pre-marital sex is more likely to occur with non-religious people, the rate of real divorce among them is far higher still.

I must say on the other side though, that the amount of divorces among people who have gone to the temple isn't as good as the figures sound. The article goes on to say _

"There is a ray of marital hope, however. And that comes from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints--specifically, from those Mormons who marry in a temple. While other Mormons divorce at the usual rate, only 6% of those who undergo the demanding temple marriage, break up, according to Brigham Young University professor Daniel K. Judd."

Sounds impressive, doesn't it? But I can't say that all is well in Zion, because this logic is flawed also. I know 4 people in my family that are still married in the temple but are legally divorced! 2 of them have re-married and their ex-spouses are still alive.

I could have a dozen temple marriages still valid and yet have a dozen legal divorces.

We'd need to start following God's directions in regard to marriage if we want great divorce figures. We need to revise our thinking. So here is some blunt advice that you will probably hate me for giving.

Women need conversation much more than we men do, even when you are tired. Women get stressed easily (as they run more on emotions); have patience and give them time to unwind using conversation. If your wife snaps at you, just say to yourself, "it must be that time of the month" (even if you know it isn't). Men can tend to feel that all is well when there are few arguments happening, where once there were more. This may not be the good sign you think it is. This often means that she is holding it all inside and is giving up (particularly where it is accompanied by less general conversation). Take her out and talk to her more, while you still have a wife.

That probably sounds good to the women. But now its your turn.

God declared man the RULER of the home (Gen 3:16, Moses 4:22), not a figurehead. Anyone telling you differently to God has got themselves confused. Women, you aren't men, stop trying to pretend you are one. You don't need a career other than learning to become mothers, wives and carers. Houses etc can be bought WHEN finances allow, not because you want one. Women, men don't believe that giving flowers and remembering dates means you love someone, so if they don't do these things all the time it doesn't mean they don't love you. Men also are entitled to a good break (often done by unwinding watching sport).