Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Romantic Dating Approaches - Are they safe, or creating problems

Some dating methods (of the romantic type) concern me. I wonder where the wisdom came from. I'd almost feel that Satan must have invented them. They work on deception and distancing from a person to obtain them. They can confuse men into thinking that whenever a woman says, "no", she means, "yes".
The logic of these methods is like suggesting that to create a good relationship with children parents are best to pretend they aren't interested in them. Parents should just act like they don't care and children will become more interested in their parents. Somehow that doesn't sound right to me.

My wife has, of recent years, died (she died young) and eventually I am thrown back into this nonsense again. This has caused me to more deeply analyse this mess. Particularly as some females have used this process on me. I have been given the "no" and afterwards informed by them that I should have realised this meant "yes". That sounds like a dangerous position for a man called "Look Who's STALKING 2". And a dangerous position for a woman who can find herself being raped while saying, "no".

Amidst all this, women claim more independance these days, yet insist the man make the first move (there are some rare exceptions to this). Yet a woman going to her bishop claiming that a male member is stalking her because he approached her a few times is taken seriously and a man can be branded very badly. Also women will then "warn" other women to avoid him. Because men aren't so inclined to speak out about their problems and women are, we hear an exceptionally large amount about abuse of women and the dangers of being one. I don't wish to detract from any of these issues in making this post. However, if women want men to understand them then they should be plain in their communications. If a women is interested in a guy she would have far better chance by merely demonstrating the fact. Some guys just aren't going to be interested. I realise that marriages occur in spite of this concept being used, but what is the failure rate of this process in comparison to marriage occurring in spite of it?

Then there is the "I've got a boyfriend" routine. This is supposed to make the guy more interested. My response to this has always been to leave females with boyfriends alone, as I wouldn't want someone coming along and taking mine. Also it suggests that a female has made up her mind and chosen. Respecting her right to make this choice, I accept her as out of bounds from then on.

But all this deception isn't a good start to a relationship either.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yes; it's a whole stack of games; isn't it, Doug ... and while we like games, they are not of that sort - maybe board games!
But seriously, I never did like the fake it approach; even with respect to the pretended pleasure of intimacy that some psychologists encourage either. In fact, when I was young and first married, i bought a book off the shelf [or it was bought for me], written by an LDS doctor/psychologist that went so far as to recommend faked orgasm by women who weren't reaching one, so as to 'help' the new husband feel as if he was satisfying her!!
I can't remember all the psychology around it all now, but there were other things - falsities that were recommended, in the relationship between the newly-wedded couple.

Oersonally, I'm one who has always believed that even 'white lies' get found out sooner or later, and you know what they all say, including our good friend, the prophet himself, about the little things being the big things.
Where deception is involved, sooner or later, "Be sure your sins will find you out".

It just doesn't work to build anything on the platform of some deception.
It is a weak and shaky base to start with.